glimpse the eternal

I start thinking about myself; I am not the kind of person who can live alone, but it seems everything forces me to do things alone without any help. It's totally against my personality.

I'm so scared all the time. The language and the culture always make me feel I'm such a tiny person to glimpse the eternal, because there is nothing that can bring me there. Just making some art and living a good life helps me to continue this endless life, with sorrow and anxiety, but I'm still interested in it. That's too much for me sometimes, but what can I do?

I love to solve problems by myself; it makes me feel strong. On the other hand, I feel so weak sometimes. Again and again, sunrise and sunset, and we still do the same thing: to create something I like, no matter what it is.